


I'm Sorry I (Don't) Love You

by woozdum



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: LMAO, M/M, sry for this crapass fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-09
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-10-16 16:57:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10575564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/woozdum/pseuds/woozdum
Summary: Some people think that Wonwoo and Soonyoung have known each other since forever. Some people think that Wonwoo and Soonyoung are dating. Some people think that the thing between Wonwoo and Soonyoung is so palpable, one could cut it ‘like cheese.’Soonyoung doesn’t really believe it, but sometimes he wonders if it might be true.





	

_They sit quietly in the room that started it all. On the couch that ruined everything, not knowing what to say really. It’s been weeks since they tried to approach the subject. Neither of them want to, but they know that they’re hanging on by threads._

_How did they become these people? So distant, so different, so unfamiliar. They were never like this, never ones to shy away from speaking to each other, from working things out and fixing their problems with each other._

_Soonyoung’s distress must be visible, because Wonwoo breaks the silence first._

_“We should talk about feelings.”_

\----

Some people think that Wonwoo and Soonyoung have known each other since forever, and, though it seems like it, they’ve only known each other for two years when they met in psychology class sophomore year.

 

Some people think that Wonwoo and Soonyoung are dating, with the way they have reserved date nights (every Friday at 8:00, with a takeout and a movie) and cuddle while bickering about everything and anything on the face of the planet. They’re not.

 

Some people think that the _thing_ between Wonwoo and Soonyoung is so palpable, one could cut it ‘like cheese.’

 

Soonyoung doesn’t really believe it, but sometimes he wonders if it might be true.

\----

_So now he wants to talk about feelings. Soonyoung scoffs in disbelief. They sit in another bout of silence as the the elder stews in his anger._

_The fucking audacity of this idiot. Because that’s what Jeon Wonwoo is. An absolutely apathetic asshole who’s apparently more afraid of having a chat than losing a friend._

_But that’s not fair. Soonyoung knows Wonwoo’s had it just as rough. That it’s been hard for the both of them and that it’s time to clear the air._

_“Okay. So talk.”_

\----

They’re wrestling on the sofa, Soonyoung straddles Wonwoo while smothering him with a pillow when Wonwoo bucks his hips in a successful attempt to throw Soonyoung off of him. Pouncing on top of him, he holds Soonyoung’s arms over his head, plucking the remote out of his hand.

 

“I win,” Wonwoo grins, blowing teasingly into Soonyoung’s eye. Soonyoung sputters, eyes working rapidly to blink away the pizza breath.

 

“Fucker” Soonyoung grunts under the added weight. “Just pick the damn movie. And get the fuck off of me.”

 

“No. I don’t think I want to.” Wonwoo sings, leaning down enough to cage him between his arms, “Be honest, Soonyoung, you don’t want me to either.”

 

Soonyoung could escape if he wants to, push Wonwoo off of him and steal the remote. But Wonwoo’s face is right there, and Soonyoung is so curious. Tentatively, he reaches to play with the wisps of hair at his nape. Wonwoo’s hair is damp, from the shower he took while Soonyoung was reheating leftovers, both of them too broke to pay for takeout.

 

‘How fucking domestic,’ he thinks as he tugs loosely at Wonwoo’s hair, noticing the shift in his eyes as they stare at each other, both too scared to make the first move.

 

“Soonyoung,” Wonwoo whispers softly, eyes trained on man below him. It’s so terrifying, how much this changes.

 

And maybe it’s a good thing that Wonwoo can read him so well. That he catches the hesitant lip bite and splotches on his cheeks and just knows _._

 

Soonyoung closes his eyes as one of Wonwoo’s hands caresses his cheek. He can smell the add on spices that Wonwoo insisted on topping their pie with and it’s so unromantic but he arches into the other anyway, lips meeting lips, nose bumping nose, and far too much teeth.

 

But it ends just as soon as it begins, Wonwoo clambers off of him, alarmed.

 

“That shouldn’t have happened.” Wonwoo decides, “That was a bad idea. I’m sorry.”

 

Soonyoung scrubs at his lips as he gets up, “Y-yea. Fuck, I’m....I’m going to just go. I think we need to think about some things. I’ll see you later.” He grabs his stuff, entirely too disoriented.

 

In true Soonyoung and Wonwoo fashion, they both pretend that night didn’t happen. Avoiding feelings is easier than acknowledging them. But it’s all out in the open now. Feelings are tricky that way. They can’t be taken back once they’ve been put out into the world.

That’s what they did. Foolishly, impulsively, idiotically changed _everything._ They ruined everything. What he wouldn’t give to go back in time and stop himself. To never have said yes when Wonwoo looked down with those eyes, so heated and curious and earnest.

 

They still have their movie nights, though they’re no longer called date nights. That wound is a little too fresh. They still bicker about everything under the sun, though they may as well be strangers, giving each other fleeting and unfamiliar hugs, no longer huddling together or sitting in each other’s laps during meals or jabbing each other just because.

 

It’s so excruciatingly painful to think about what they’ve become. To think about how far they’ve fallen. To wonder if they’ll never be the same. His relationship with Wonwoo is too precious, too important to sacrifice over a kiss.

 

He hopes that Wonwoo feels the same.

 

They talk it over. Frankly and honestly.

But that’s a lie because they don’t really talk about anything of substance. Just a ‘ _We’re good, right?’_ and a responding _‘Yeah, man.’_ Except they never talk like that and it’s really not ok.

 

But Soonyoung knows Wonwoo doesn’t want to talk about it, doesn’t want to confront the issue. That he’s not ready to talk about it and Soonyoung can’t force him, no matter how much he wants to throttle the boy and just fix things, openly and candidly.

 

They sit down for their first ‘just like old times’ movie date in forever, though neither of them wrestle for the remote, instead choosing to play a rather aggressive game of rock, paper, scissors.

 

Soonyoung wins, a fact that he goads about as he flips through the channels before settling on a drama that they could both make fun of. He settles into the couch when Wonwoo throws an arm around his shoulders, and for the first time in so long, Soonyoung feels like he can breathe easy. Like it will all be ok.

\----

_Wonwoo blinks, like he wasn’t expecting Soonyoung to be so agreeable._

_“Um… I guess I’m-” he takes a deep breath, and averts his eyes from Soonyoung to the floor. It’s kind of sad, how small he looks, but Soonyoung is actively making space for him to speak. It’s about damn time. Wonwoo clears his throat, “I’m sorry for fucking with your feelings. It was shitty of me to do. I knew better and I still-”_

_“If you’re going to read off some memorized apology, I’d rather we didn’t ‘talk’ at all,” Soonyoung interrupts. Is it bitter? Rude? Warranted? Yes, yes, and absolutely. He deserves more than some drafted “Sorry, I’ll do better next time.” and he expects more from Wonwoo._

_The latter huffs, “Well, it’s not like this has been super easy for me either. I don’t know what to do or say to make this better. I’m the one who-” he pauses, sighing in resignation, “I fucked everything up and I don’t know how to make it better.”_

_Soonyoung doesn’t know either._

\----

Curiosity supposedly killed the cat.

 

Soonyoung would disagree. Because familiarity brews a different type of poison. A lethal that can lull unsuspecting individuals into a false sense of security, before ripping them out just as fast.

 

Familiarity and alcohol, a cat’s worst nightmare (and apparently Soonyoung’s as well).

 

He knows that Wonwoo is a stupid, reckless, impulsive drunk. He knows that Wonwoo does too much too fast with no regard for consequences. He knows it all because he knows Wonwoo, yet he’s somehow shocked to find himself pressed against the floor only a few weeks later, hands in hair, lips on lips, body over body. He gives in to the kiss because, fuck him if he isn’t drunk too.

 

“Wonu, stop,” he groans, breaking off the kiss, panting slightly from the sheer intensity of it all, “What are we doing?”

 

“Kissin’,” Wonwoo slurs happily, chasing Soonyoung’s lips again. “Speakin’ of which, we should it again, Soon-ah.”

 

Soonyoung frowns, evading the onslaught of pecks from the younger. “You’ll regret this tomorrow, Wonwoo. How about we get you to bed, ok?”

 

It’d be too much to expect an answer from a ridiculously demanding Wonwoo, so he takes it upon himself to push the younger off of him and drag him to bed. The fucker probably won’t even get a hangover. He’s always been lucky like that.

  
Soonyoung makes sure to lock up before settling onto the couch. His last thought of the night is a prayer that Wonwoo doesn’t remember a thing.

 

When he wakes up the next morning, it is to an empty apartment and a text from Wonwoo.

 

_Sorry._

 

Evidently Soonyoung isn’t so lucky.

\----

_“So what happens now?”_

_Wonwoo snorts self-deprecatingly, “Do we just avoid each other and pretend the past two years never happened?”_

_“Two years and four months.” It’s reflexive, his need to poke fun at Wonwoo even at the most tense of times, Soonyoung notes with a small, sad smile._

_Wonwoo chuckles. “Two years and four months,” he corrects himself._

_Soonyoung groans, shaking his head. His lips twitch, threatening to join in with Wonwoo’s infectious laughter, but he can’t do it._

_“I hate you. You know that, right?”_

\----

They’re fine. Don’t worry about it. It’s nothing.

 

Soonyoung chants these reminders daily, like a prayer.

 

And it seems like it’ll be okay, when Wonwoo claps him on the back and gives him a lopsided grin while they get lunch. But he knows it won’t be. He knows they need to talk and he knows he can’t spare Wonwoo the discomfort any longer.

 

“We should talk about feelings.” Soonyoung says vaguely. It’s probably not the best transition from their previous discussion, but it’s not like he can take it back either.

 

He expects Wonwoo to get defensive and close up. He expects his nose to scrunch and for him to grimace because _is this really the time, Soonyoung?_ He expects Wonwoo to get annoyed because Soonyoung has been alluding to this conversation for days now, though he’s successfully deflected every attempt.

 

What he doesn’t expect is Wonwoo’s very candid response.

 

“I didn’t mean for it to happen. I’m sorry, but it doesn’t have to change anything.”

 

He doesn’t expect it to hurt so much either.

 

Soonyoung forgets every carefully constructed argument and Wonwoo walks away.

\----

_Soonyoung reaches for Wonwoo’s hand, reaches to stroke the lines of his palm. His eyes hold no tears while his mouth holds all his words unsaid. “I really fucking hate you.”_

 

_Wonwoo’s eyes follow Soonyoung’s finger, as it trails across his love line. “I know.”_

_They sit in silence, on the tacky sofa in Wonwoo’s apartment, the one he never got rid of us because Soonyoung once said it matches his emotional aesthetic._

_Soonyoung feels his heart break._

\----

“Soonyoung,” Wonwoo whispers, looking up from where he’s sitting on the floor. Too far away from Soonyoung’s reserved spot on the couch. That awful couch that seems to be the catalyst to all of his problems. .

 

Soonyoung hates everything about it, starting with how Wonwoo isn’t on it with him.

 

“Won-” He’s cut off by Wonwoo’s lips pressing against his, moving softly in remembrance. A promise that this time will be the last.

 

“I’m sorry.”

\----

_He feels it but he can’t hear it over the sound of Wonwoo’s shattering right next to him._

_“God, I hate you.” He chokes out. He doesn’t, they both know that._

_“I’m sorry.”_

_“ I’m sorry.” He whispers, grasping onto Wonwoo’s fingers, desperate to make him understand._

_“I love you.” In the empty room, Wonwoo’s words ring out into the silence._

_“I know.” Soonyoung says, pulling away. The ‘but I don’t love you’ is what he doesn’t say._

_Wonwoo reaches for Soonyoung’s hand, hooking their pinkies together._

_“I know.”_

 

**Author's Note:**

> the snwu dynamic is a ~~mystery~~


End file.
